Tuesday, March 25, 2014

..........bi polar bear

 
I'm on the verge of bankruptcy, hospital bills are keeping my fridge empty and I don't know how to please my children. Every sleepless night is spent trying to forget how scared I am, and every tired morning is spent dreading the day. 

Being Bi-Polar is SOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!

Every moment spent freezing in the fire is a suicide dream. I can only pay attention in 60-second increments, and then I forget everything. 

EVERYTHING HURTS!!

I've lost everything to this disease; my home, my family, my life....... I wish I knew how people can live. I wish I was strong like everyone else...... This is the low.....this is the down swing......this is depression.

I'm a Bi-Polar bear!

I smile through tears and cry through laughter.  I'm invincible, I am a king. I am a fragile fool.  I'm tasteless and crass while eloquent.  I make no sense during this epiphany and my thoughts go a mile a second, while I sit frozen and stuck.

I'm a perfect wreck. 

My doctor said I should stop masturbating, I asked why but she said it was just till we finished the exam.  

Monday, March 24, 2014

This post has no photos......

This post has no photos.... It has no videos either. This post has the word "fuck" in it. This post has the word "shit" and "cunt" in it. Wow....this post is actually quite profane. What the hell is up with this post? This post probably has weird spacing in it and bad grammar. This post was written from my phone.... This post isn't saying much, but it reads plenty.  Only a few if you will get that. This post is pretty random.  This post has an angry author that's annoyed at the computers in the library. This post can go on forever......luckily it will only go as long as it has to. This post is the first one since the last one and it's right before the next.  I'll probably regret this post.   I'm sick.   I don't feel well and I don't know when I'll feel ok.  Fuck this post. 

This post was written while listening to The Rolling Stones, Springsteen, Lou Reed, Warren Zevon and Pearl Jam.  

This post is being read by you and you're probably shaking your head... Seriously, this is just fucking strange now.  You could be bettering yourself by reading something else but instead, you came upon this post.  One day I'll write something great.....today though, just this post.        Later. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

........Nevermore

 
Sitting here naked I examine myself. Everything is connected to everything else, and it should be. Every pore, every hair, every vein and every muscle. Every inch of skin, every extremity and every bone. Sitting here naked I am aware of myself and I'm OK with that.
 
Sitting here naked I examine everything else, the light coming in through the window, the perfect timing of the sun. I dwell on the effortless flight of the birds outside and the amazing beauty of the mountains in the distance. Sitting here naked I am aware of what I am and I'm OK with that.
 
Sitting here naked I examine this chair I'm sitting on, the craftsmanship the material and the measurements. I realize there is no separation from where I end and the chair begins. This chair is me and I am it. I am the table and my laptop. I am the floor and the walls. Sitting here naked I am this room and I'm OK with that.
 
Sitting here naked I examine the noises outside. My brain knows to hear the song of dogs and passing cars. There is no distance between the sounds of the world and my ears. I am the ambulance outside, the children laughing, the chirping of birds and the buzz of the bees. Sitting here naked I am the world outside and I'm OK with that.
 
Sitting here naked I examine myself. Everything is as it should be........except for all the complaining. Sitting here naked I hear them talking, I feel them staring, I feel their anger. Sitting here naked I realize I'm at the library...........I should probably get dressed.