Tuesday, April 22, 2014

.........fell on black days

If there is a limit to human tears, I'll know soon enough. This condition has left me homeless, loveless, disparate and ashamed. To be without one's family is the biggest tragedy a man can face. To lose love is the sorrow of the world. Love is all, love is everything, the highest high and the lowest low.

To give up one's family over mistaken identities and misguided trajectories is a suicide of the soul. To believe the diseased ideations a bi-polar mind on an uncontrolled high, is to ride a bucking bronco with no saddle.

I lost everything. I lost my marriage, my children, my home and my security. I lost my joy and my health. I'm hanging on by a thin thread that's being eaten away by hopelessness. I used to find the humor in the pain, the laughter that was birthed from the tears. Lately the crying leads to more crying. These things I can stand no longer.

What I would give to hold my ex-wife again, to hold the hand of the one that gave me my children. What I would give to be a daddy again and to walk into the home I left in the middle of madness. Funny thing about being bi-polar is that nothing is funny, everything has a price and it's way too much.

I hate my life.             

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

..........bi polar bear

 
I'm on the verge of bankruptcy, hospital bills are keeping my fridge empty and I don't know how to please my children. Every sleepless night is spent trying to forget how scared I am, and every tired morning is spent dreading the day. 

Being Bi-Polar is SOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!

Every moment spent freezing in the fire is a suicide dream. I can only pay attention in 60-second increments, and then I forget everything. 

EVERYTHING HURTS!!

I've lost everything to this disease; my home, my family, my life....... I wish I knew how people can live. I wish I was strong like everyone else...... This is the low.....this is the down swing......this is depression.

I'm a Bi-Polar bear!

I smile through tears and cry through laughter.  I'm invincible, I am a king. I am a fragile fool.  I'm tasteless and crass while eloquent.  I make no sense during this epiphany and my thoughts go a mile a second, while I sit frozen and stuck.

I'm a perfect wreck. 

My doctor said I should stop masturbating, I asked why but she said it was just till we finished the exam.  

Monday, March 24, 2014

This post has no photos......

This post has no photos.... It has no videos either. This post has the word "fuck" in it. This post has the word "shit" and "cunt" in it. Wow....this post is actually quite profane. What the hell is up with this post? This post probably has weird spacing in it and bad grammar. This post was written from my phone.... This post isn't saying much, but it reads plenty.  Only a few if you will get that. This post is pretty random.  This post has an angry author that's annoyed at the computers in the library. This post can go on forever......luckily it will only go as long as it has to. This post is the first one since the last one and it's right before the next.  I'll probably regret this post.   I'm sick.   I don't feel well and I don't know when I'll feel ok.  Fuck this post. 

This post was written while listening to The Rolling Stones, Springsteen, Lou Reed, Warren Zevon and Pearl Jam.  

This post is being read by you and you're probably shaking your head... Seriously, this is just fucking strange now.  You could be bettering yourself by reading something else but instead, you came upon this post.  One day I'll write something great.....today though, just this post.        Later.