My nightmares don't have the decency to wait till I'm asleep.......gravity isn't helping my heavy heart and every breath feels like I'm drowning...
God........if you're there.....I need some answers!
Why do you show heaven, only to close the door? Why is pain perceived as righteous and judgment so prevalent? I know you're there, I know you're real......you are the observer......we the atoms......we the particles.....why do we think? Why do we feel? Why is life a series of goodbyes? Why is perfect love so imperfect and fullness so empty? Why is darkness the source of light and why is beer so awesome?
God.......if you're there, my eyes are clean enough.....I don't want anymore tears. I've no use for a heart that's broken and a spirit that is crushed.....God.......if you're there.....make me numb.
I know my pain is my fault. I know my children's' anger was earned; the hangover from years of partying with the devil. I know sometimes I let my rage get the best of me......bi-polar or not....my pain was earned. At times I've asked you to take the life you gave me...You let me love only to lose......I've wanted to die.
God......if you're there, WTF?
My son.........because I'm here, you can feel. Because I made you in my image, your heart works. Because your heart works, you will have many tears. The judgment you feel is not from me but from your misguided brothers and sisters. Without darkness there can be no light. Love only seems imperfect when looked at with your limited vision. Heaven's door is not shut; Heaven is all around you if you're paying attention. You haven't lost anything. I made you bi-polar so that you could love with reckless abandon and when you crashed you'd remember to talk to me. Because I know you, I made beer awesome......if you need to be numb for a while......drink plenty of it!